inspired by nate

it's important how we feel in our homes, because feeling good makes us more gracious.  and that makes it easier to welcome others not only into our homes but into our lives.

i saw this quote this morning by nate berkus.  it almost made me cry.

for years, i put off decorating my home. that feeling of not belonging and not knowing where i would be in 5 years caused me to put off buying good furniture.  i would buy temporary pieces but the word "temporary" constantly reminded me that Ottawa wasn't my real  home.  it saddened me because i hate moving around and starting over.

when i bought my home, i figure that it would be temporary.  i would flip it and then move again.  but as i started designing the interior and choosing the fixtures and finishes, there was an attachment being created.  i used to say that "when i get my own home, i would do it my way." and sure enough, the opportunity came and i was designing it with my vision.  i continued to struggle with staying versus moving.  and over time, coming home to a place with 'temporary' pieces made it difficult to enjoy.  the only room i found joy in was my kitchen.

nate's quote is very true.  home should be like a warm sweater on a winter's day - it hugs you and gives you that sense of security, accomplishment, and comfort.  home hasn't felt like my home because i've been reluctant to commit.  what was the point in buying furniture to suit a house that i was going to sell in a year or so?  i've been told by many that my next step should be to turn my home into a real home.  a place where i feel good being in and look forward to coming home to.  over the weekend, i went furniture shopping .. and i bought a set of accent chairs that i had been looking at for months.  these are not temporary pieces and i know exactly where they would go.

i waited so long and wondered why i never felt like i belonged.  now i know.  i didn't realize how big of an impact this "temporary" vision had on me.  buying my first permanent pieces was a good thing for me.  i used to think that buying stuff also meant filling the void and i didn't want that to be the reason.  i didn't want to look at every piece and know that i bought it because i was empty.  i needed to fill the void with my own truth of who i am and what i stand for.  and i wanted to look at my furniture and know that it was a design decision - rather than an emotional one.  but coming home to an empty house and staring at empty rooms also reminded me of why i was waiting and the negativity attached to that feeling.  but most importantly, the empty rooms reminded me of what i had lost.  i would stand in the empty room and know exactly why it was empty.  i didn't want to fill the void during an emotionally turbulent time but the longer i took, the less "gracious" i was and i began shutting everyone out.  Perhaps adding a few pieces will give me the boost I need.  maybe once i am able to feel good in my home, i will be able to welcome others in.

my new accent chair

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October has come and is almost gone.

wow .. october came and went pretty quickly, huh?  i honestly can't remember much of what happened in the last 28 days.  all i know is ..

i went home for thanksgiving - last time i was home was back in august so it was a while before i went home for a visit.  my visit home was really good - i got to get out and do stuff with family.  we celebrated my nephew's birthday - he turned 5?  ;)  i'm bad with ages because it's so hard to keep track of 8 nieces and nephews.  i always try to do some baking before heading home so i made cupcakes and oatmeal cookies for everyone.  due to the nut allergies among the children, i was limited in what i could bake so oatmeal cookies was my go-to recipe.  plus, i had all of the ingredients at home.

the next day, i made plans with my sister to hit yorkdale.  i haven't been there in years and it has changed so much.  before the mall, i took my mom out for breakfast.  my mom loves bacon and eggs so we indulged a little bit.  she wasn't up for shopping at first but we convinced her to go with us.

yorkdale was like heaven.  i could swear i heard the angel's singing.  i think i spent the most time at holt renfrew's handbag section.  marc jacobs, balenciaga, prada, burberry .. it was tough to decide what i wanted.  i wanted it all!  :)

we spent about 3 hrs at the mall and did a bit of damage on the credit card.  females at a mall?  dangerous.

i do miss home a lot.  i still flip flop between moving home and staying here.  i have about a year left in my program so i know i'm not moving any time soon.  i think if all goes to plan, i would finish around jan 2014.  the best time to put the house on the market is in april.  the house is pretty well built and the layout is one of the best (imo).  trouble for me is, i have had a difficult time looking for a house that i like in toronto.  even the new homes are just average and super expensive.  sigh .. i dunno .. maybe i'll just move back home with mom and dad.

ok, that's just crazy talk.  hahaha .. i love my parents but i can't live with them after being away from home for so long.

anyway, i'm already making plans for christmas .. i think i'll be in toronto for the annual christmas eve lunch group lunch!  i know it's early but i hope to see as many of my friends as possible.  i think larry, ivy, chris, and damien have already booked some time .. how many days am i going to be available again??

larry:  i want a bottle of your famous rum punch this year!  :)

before i end this post, just something interesting i read today ..

The Four Agreements by Don Miguel

Be impeccable with your word - Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love. 

Don't take anything personally - Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won't be the victim of endless suffering.

Don't make assumptions - Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.

Always do your best - Your best is going to change from moment to moment, it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse and regret.

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summer adventure .. part deux

i mentioned that there would be a follow up to my summer adventure.  some of you commented on the bold steps i took .. some of you were even "jealous" of the fun i was having .. :)  part two of my adventure may change some of that.

i failed to mention that while at norm hardie's, i was eaten alive by mosquitos.  at last count, there were somewhere around 40 bites to my legs (below the knee).  there were a few bites on my left foot that caused it to swell up so much that it was painful to walk on.  my co-workers grew concerned about the appearance of the bites and advised me to take some allergy medicine.  i took a benadryl but a day later, i developed a skin rash.  could it have been from the benadryl??  but after three days of uncomfortable swelling, i decided to go see a doctor.  the doctor had to prescribe a topical antibiotic because it had become infected.  after using the cream for a few days, the swelling had gone down considerably and i was able to go to work.

however, it's been over a month now and the bites have left scars and some are still itchy.  my legs are awful looking.  i'm pretty sure it wasn't Lyme disease.  but boy, did i ever pay the price in the name of wine.  i'm lucky i'm okay .. but next time i go back to norm hardie's (or any winery for that matter), i'm packing bug repellent.

this month, i had the opportunity to try something new again.  i think you all know by now that if it's crazy, pudgy is going to do it .. :)  well, this month i had another "first" .. i attended my first muay thai/MMA event.  it was pretty good.  i'm considering signing up for some lessons because the conditioning part of muay thai training is supposed to be a really intense workout.  so .. we'll see.  ;)

my next adventure is coming up at the end of the summer .. i'm really excited about it.  the only hint i can give you, is that the adventure was inspired by this quote:

luck is where preparation meets opportunity

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Quiet month of May

it's been a quiet month so far and my blog has been pretty quiet as well.  i stumbled upon this great quote recently. 

“It is not the critic who counts: not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles or where the doer of deeds could have done better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly, who errs and comes up short again and again, because there is no effort without error or shortcoming, but who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions, who spends himself for a worthy cause; who, at the best, knows, in the end, the triumph of high achievement, and who, at the worst, if he fails, at least he fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who knew neither victory nor defeat.”  - Theodore Roosevelt

gave me much to think about ..

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Time After Time

If you're lost, you can look and you will find me.
Time after time.
If you fall, I will catch you. I'll be waiting.
Time after time.

Cyndi Lauper

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